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Monday 12 August 2013

Finding the joy in amongst the pain.....

This week has been such a mixture of joy and pain.  And it would be so easy to get caught up in the struggle and pain of the week, and lose sight of the joy there's been, but I try (and don't always succeed) to see the joy there is in my life, no matter what pain there is.  And this week has been a good example of that.  I'm blessed with a good church family, good friends, and a beautiful area to live in.  Throughout this week I have been very grateful for those things. They have got me through.  I am continually amazed at how much my life is changing...how different things are to how they were.  Sometimes it's seemingly little things.  Like tonight, a lovely friend of mine brought round my Avon order, and I was struck by the contrast of the order I had placed (various colours of nail varnish) and my current hair (bright pink) to how I was not that many years back.  It's not so long ago I struggled to wear anything that wasn't big baggy mens clothes....and now I am ordering nail varnish and sporting bright pink hair.  And it struck me that this change had to come gradually, over time, because if I'd just woken up one morning and shoved a little black dress and high heels on (yeh, ok.....never going to happen...but you get my point..... ;) ) I'd have been totally uncomfortable with myself, and would have felt as if I didn't know who I was any more. And I guess that's how my journey has been as a survivor too.  Much though I'd often like to speed up the process (ok, nearly always) if God gave me what I'd asked for and changed me overnight I'd wake up feeling I didn't really know myself, and I'd be uncomfortable with who I was and how to deal with that.  So although it pains me to say it (!) God knows what He's doing. The journey is going at the speed He knows is right for me.  And I need to keep sight of how far I've come, rather than just focussing on how far is left to go.....


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